April - Child Abuse Prevention Month

Homily on Child Sexual Abuse

Charles W. Dahm, O.P.

April 2008

       Introductions:

April 6, 2008: We hear but don’t understand.

Jesus catches up with two of his disciples who are fleeing Jerusalem after his death and resurrection.  They fail to recognize Jesus and are amazed that he seems unaware of the major events that have transpired in the capital city.  After they inform him, Jesus responds, “How foolish of you, how slow to understand” what has occurred.  Jesus then launches into an explanation of the scriptures. 

Certainly, we can all reflect on our failure to understand things that happen to us or around us.  We too can be slow to comprehend the significance of events, the reasons for people’s behavior, or the real meaning of words directed at us.

Today, as we celebrate April as Child Abuse Prevention Month, I would like us to reflect on the cries for help from so many children who suffer sexual abuse.  Too frequently, we fail to hear them, to recognize what is happening to them, to respond adequately to them in their need. 

April 13, 2008: The Good Shepherd

Every year after Easter we celebrate Good Shepherd Sunday.  Jesus presents himself as the Good Shepherd.  He knows his sheep; he cares for them.  They hear his voice and follow him because they know he will protect them.

In one sense we are the sheep of Jesus’ flock.  We follow him because he is the Way, the Truth and the Life.  We need to listen to his voice, allow his words to enter our ears, but even more, our hearts.  We need to faithfully follow him, because he has the words of eternal life.

But Jesus also calls us to be shepherds, shepherds of one another, and most especially of our children.  There are many ways we can be good shepherds for our children.  We can support them in their studies, spend time playing with them, we can listen to their hopes and concerns, teach them respect and good manners, build their self esteem with compliments and recognition, discipline them appropriately, tell them how much we love them. Today, as we celebrate April as Child Abuse Prevention Month, I would like us to reflect on our need to be good shepherds by protecting our children from abuse, especially sexual abuse.

April 20, 2008:  Jesus is the Way, the Truth and the Life

In the gospel, we hear an intriguing conversation between Jesus and the apostles.  Jesus tries to console them about his departure: “After I go to prepare a place for you, I will come back and take you to myself so that where I am you also may be.” When Thomas protests that they don’t know where he is going so how can they know the way there, Jesus declares, “I am the way, the truth and the life.”

Philip then asks to see the Father, as if that is the solution to their concerns.  Jesus asserts that if they have seen him, they have seen the Father, because he is in the Father and the Father is in him.  And if they don’t believe his words, he says they should believe him for the works he has performed.  And then in an amazing fashion he says, “Whoever believes in me, will do the works that I do, and even greater works.”

April is Child Abuse Prevention Month, and I would like us to reflect on our need to do the great work of protecting our children from abuse, especially from sexual abuse.

April 27, 2008: The Spirit of Jesus instills enlightenment, compassion and commitment.  

In our first reading and the gospel today, we hear how the Spirit of Jesus, the Holy Spirit, came to teach and strengthen the early followers of Christ.  After the Samaritans heard Philip’s preaching and believed, the apostles sent Peter and John to them to lay hands on the newly baptized so that they might receive the Holy Spirit.  In the gospel, Jesus assures his followers he will not leave orphans.  He promises to be present in them through his advocate, the Holy Spirit.  

We are the followers of Jesus who need that Holy Spirit to strengthen us in the challenges we face each day.  We Catholics believe the Spirit of Jesus is with us, enlightening our minds, opening our hearts to his compassion, and strengthening our resolve to live his life.

Today, as we celebrate April, the Child Abuse Prevention Month, I would like us to reflect on our need to be enlightened, compassionate and steadfast in our commitment to protect our children from abuse, including sexual abuse.

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Body of Homily

Sexual abuse of children by adults or by other children is an enormous problem: 1 of every 4 girls and 1 of every 7 boys under the age of 18 suffer sexual abuse in our country.  Let me repeat: 1 of every 4 girls and 1 of every 7 boys are victims of sexual abuse.  Estimates are that there are more than 60 million survivors of childhood sexual abuse in America today.  Statistically, that means some of you here today were sexually abused as children; our heart goes out to you. 

Let us be clear about what sexual abuse involves. It includes the:

1. Physical sexual mistreatment, for example, oral or genital stimulation or caresses of sexual organs.

2. Showing of genital parts, even without physical contact, as well as obscene telephone conversations, excessive curiosity or conversation about another’s sexual organs.

Studies indicate that an abuser can be any person, man or woman, teen or adult, probably

some one trusted, such as a family member, neighbor or baby sitter, and as we painfully have heard in recent years, even clergy and religious.   9 out of 10 abused children know their abuser, and 40% of the sexual abusers, nearly have, are themselves under age 18. 

We have all heard the devastating effects sexual abuse has on its victims.  An abused person suffers psychological trauma that often lasts a lifetime.  They may experience intense shame, anxiety, poor self esteem, loneliness, hatred, a sense of being dirty, distrust of others, anger, rejection, and fear.  And many feel guilty, thinking they either caused the abuse or because they reported it thus provoked disruption in the family.  

Severe behavioral problems may also result, such as, excessive timidity or aggressive behavior, problems in school, withdrawal, and nightmares. Children who have been sexually abused are more likely to abuse alcohol and drugs, attempt suicide, develop eating disorders, and become sexually active during adolescence.  Victims may fail at developing healthy personal relationships or sexual intimacy as an adult.  Some victims will become overly sexually active or promiscuous, while others may become sexually non functional.  Many victims become sexual abusers of children themselves.

When we hear victims making accusations about their abusers years after the abuse took place, we wonder: why did they wait so long?  In fact, the terrible symptoms just mentioned may not appear until later in life because the memory of sexual abuse is often submerged into the subconscious and appears only later, perhaps in midlife, when it emerges often as depression.

Once children give an indication, even the slightest, that sexual abuse has occurred, we must believe them.  This acceptance of the word of a child becomes particularly difficult when the accused is a family member or friend.  Often there is a tendency to disbelieve the child, or even accuse him or her of having invited the improper touches.  We must remember that a child is never responsible for the sexual abuse she or he suffers. 

(provide your own example) One mother wanted to believe her child’s story of sexual  abuse, but she lacked the courage to act in her defense.  She feared that if she reported her husband, the child’s step father, she would lose her source of emotional as well as economic support.  She did confront her husband, but he denied having improperly touched his step daughter.  The mother warned him but decided to forgive him and trust he would never do it again.  She never reported his abuse.  She couldn’t face being alone.  She chose her own security over her daughter’s safety. This unfortunate choice happens all too frequently – and with devastating consequences for the child.  The daughter’s relationship with her mother was never again the same.  She knew that either her mother had not believed her or had chosen not to protect her.

Abused children struggle with guilt and shame; they are confused and wrestle with fear and anxiety.  When their parents do not believe them, they are devastated.  They may think no one will ever believe or support them.  In order to survive, they suppress their feelings and the memory of the abuse.  But the memory of sexual abuse is never erased; it most certainly will raise its ugly head and traumatize the victim later in life. 

What is the best response to child sexual abuse?  It’s prevention.  We must prepare children for the possibility of being accosted.  What are some things we can do?

-         We should teach our children about the sacredness of their body, and that no one has the right to see or touch their private parts.  Young victims may not even realize they have been abused sexually, unless they are prepared to recognize it.  Studies confirm that when schools teach children about how to prevent sexual abuse, the number of reported cases of abuse rises dramatically.

-         Let’s instruct our children about how to distinguish between good and improper touches and make sure our schools do the same.

-         Let’s instill in them the confidence to tell us when they feel someone has made improper advances or made them feel strange or fearful.  We remember Jesus’ words: “Suffer the children to come unto me.”  We must listen closely to their expressions of uneasiness about others; these feelings might be the sign for us to act to protect our children from abuse. 

-         Let’s remind our children that if something were every to happen to them, it would never be their fault.  No matter what happens, we will not judge them.

-         Let’s ask our children where they are, with whom they play, what their baby sitter does with them.  Nearly all child sexual abuse is perpetrated by persons known to the abused child, and parents must instill stronger trust with their children than the abuser. 

-         Let’s talk to our children about the danger of keeping certain kinds of secrets from us.  Studies show that the vast majority of children victims initially deny they have been abused.  Nearly half of those sexually abused tell no one about it until they are adults.  Many never reveal what happened to them.  Thus, establishing trust and good communication with our children is extremely important.

-         Finally, let’s talk about this topic with our children, not just once, but repeatedly.  They need to be reminded of our concern for their safety and our willingness to listen to them.

When child abuse does occur, it is most important to act promptly.  Early detection is critical.  The sooner a child victim receives treatment for sexual abuse, the faster and greater chance of his or her recovery.  A swift response also instills confidence in the child; we should be definite and clear that the child comes first; she is believed; he is protected.  Do not minimize the abuse, thinking that it was only a simple touch, that the child will forget it if we don’t make a big deal of it, that because we warned the abuser, he will not do it again.

Should we be compassionate to sexual abusers?  Of course, we should.  But child sexual abusers tend to be habitual offenders.  If we do not report them, even one offense, they may move on to abuse other children.  They themselves need help in dealing with their disorder.  By reporting them to the authorities, we not only demonstrate to our children that we are concerned for their safety, but we will also help the abuser find treatment.

Conclusion:

Recall the focus of the introduction and its connection to prevention of child abuse and invite people to talk with their children again as well as with other parents and relatives about the need to talk with their children.